Not all conflict is bad

Not all conflict is bad. There is both productive conflict and unproductive conflict. Productive conflict clears obstacles in our relationships, results in better behavior, and ends with more freedom and peace.

Unproductive conflict stirs up righteous indignation but offers no solution. It shames, makes it harder to behave well, and ends in more division and pain.

Productive conflict's purpose is better behavior (for you as well as for them).

Unproductive conflict's purpose is to cause them pain (they messed up, and now they deserve to be punished).

And the main way to ensure that you have productive conflict is to make sure that you are not still driven by your hurt when you go into the conflict. If your focus is on your own pain, then you will find yourself trying to hurt them for hurting you. Deal with your heart before you go into conflict, at least enough to be able to focus on the goal of better behavior as you move forward. It can change the entire conversation.

You can't guarantee they will respond well, but you can give them a chance to do so by starting well.