How we treat others

Very, very few people are actively trying to figure out how to hurt other people. That's not to say that people don't cause harm to others. Sadly, that's very, very common. It's just that we aren't aiming to hurt others. If you get beneath all the stories we tell and the various coping methods we use, all of us struggle with insecurity. Deep down, people are hurt, afraid, and lost.

And the honest truth is that they're just not thinking about you that much. They're just trying to make themselves feel better, and the way they do that can be mean to others.

I'm not saying their behavior is okay. I'm saying understanding this may help you have more patience. It will definitely help you understand how to respond better. Protect yourself, but don't attack back. Hurting them more won't make them act better. It will make them act worse.

Even better, instead of thinking about how everyone else does this when they are anxious, pay close attention to how you treat others when you feel anxious.

A book that I love

The Relationship Cure by John Gotten. 

This is one of the best relationship books I've ever read. It has powerful ideas, like learning to notice when others are "making a bid" for connection and then learning how to respond. (One cool point in that section was that you don't have to agree with them or do what they want in order to connect.) Plus, there was a section on the seven core relationship needs. And lots more good stuff.

 The book applies each concept to marriage, work, and parenting, with practical examples. So it's useful on multiple levels. Loved this book!